Wednesday, 31 December 2014

The Tally of 2014

I've noticed quite a few '2014 In Review' posts popping up over the past few days, but this one has something special. This one is about "Project: Micawber"...

Old Father Time shows no mercy.

"Annual leadpile twenty orcs, annual painting nineteen orcs nineteen goblins and a snotling, result: stagnation.
Annual leadpile twenty orcs, annual painting twenty orcs nought and a snotling, result: progress."

(I may be misquoting Mr Micawber here ... our enforced Sixth Form reading of David Copperfield was a long time ago.)

Sunday, 28 December 2014

Stocking Fillers

Now really, this title should go with the unit I've got lined up for next week. But it won't be Christmas (or this year any more) by then. Harvest ye thine crap puns while thou mayest, says I.

Yes, your armpits smell. No, that's not how you do a Vulcan Salute. 

Saturday, 27 December 2014

Just For The Craic

I once heard a tale that Post-It Notes were an accidental invention, created by a scientist who was looking for a super-strong adhesive and instead came up with a removable one (presumably on little squares of yellow paper).

I like to think the same was true of the new Technical Paint, the 'cracked surface' Agrellan Earth.

"Damn it Jenkins! What are we supposed to do with paint that cracks when it dries?"

I also understand that there was a problem with the initial batch of paints, which actually did not to crack. Resulting in a lot of frustrated customers who had to watch paint dry in the normal, smooth way, and not appreciating the irony one bit.

Duly assured that I was buying the right kind of defective paint, I helped myself to a pot. And when the Night Goblins appeared on my assembly line, I took the opportunity to try it out.

Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Merry Squigmas

It’s been a slow month for painting. (Slow for me, that is. Kraken seems determined to repopulate Naggaroth single-handed. Special rule: Always Paints First).

I have not been completely idle with progress. Although anyone expecting more defenders of Athel Loren will discover I got a bit distracted.

Saturday, 20 December 2014

The Axeman Cometh

Last painted Delves before Christmas. They nearly didn't make the cut.

Painted Dark Elves
Defer! Defer!
To the Lord High Elficutioner!

Friday, 19 December 2014

A Close Shave: High Elves vs Dwarves

As alluded to in a previous post, this week I was visiting a long-dormant Warhammer player (self-titled 'General Palafox') in the hopes of reintroducing him to the hobby.

I'll show him da ropes,
And destroy his hopes...

High Elves were his army of choice, and in the interests of a fluffy, tutorial game, I dusted off my Dwarves.

Since I'd be demonstrating the game, I'd need to keep both army books and the ruleset in the foremost of my mind. Now I haven't played High Elves ever, and I haven't fielded Dwarves for more than a decade, but I did make suitable preparations for the challenge.

I grew a beard.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Belly Good Show: Ogre Kingdoms vs Legions of Chaos

We've posted a lot of battle reports recently, but this has something new: both protagonists in the same room. Not to mention the same country.

A mid-week sojourn to Kasfunatu Towers, and so we rounded up a few of his multitudinous armies to put together a 2400pt End Times battle.

A Warhammer Fantasy Battle Report between Ogre Kingdoms and Legions of Chaos.


Ogre Kingdoms

What my army lacked in imagination, it also lacked in originality: a big mass of Ironguts, stuffed with characters. The magical equipment was mostly aimed at keeping them alive, relying on their own stats and great weapons to do the damage. I also took the Rampager's Standard, because I figured getting off the charge might be important to these guys.

On top of that: a couple of units of Leadbelchers (who always seem very handy), a small unit of Mournfang, (because I have Monstrous Cav envy), a lovely Ironblaster; and a couple of Sabretusks, continuing my ongoing quest to understand how to chaff and redirect properly.

A Warhammer Fantasy Battle Report between Ogre Kingdoms and Legions of Chaos.
One very big basket, and a whole lot of eggs.

  • Tyrant: Great Weapon, Heavy Armour. Trickster's Helm. Talisman of Protection.
  • Slaughtermaster: Lv4 Heavens, Dispel Scroll. Talisman of Preservation
    • Iceshard Blizzard, Harmonic Convergence, Curse of the Midnight Wind, Chain Lightning
  • Battle Standard Bearer: Heavy Armour, Ironfist. Rampager's Standard
  • Butcher: Lv 1 Great Maw, Ironfist. Hellheart.
    • Trollguts
  • 12 x Ironguts: Great Weapons. Heavy Armour. Full Command. Lookout Gnoblar. Dragonhide Banner.
  • 4 x Leadbelchers: Light Armour. Leadbelcher gun. Musician.
  • 4 x Leadbelchers: Light Armour. Leadbelcher gun. Musician.
  • 3 x Mournfang Cavalry: Heavy Armour. Ironfist. Champion, Musician.
  • 1 x Sabretusk
  • 1 x Sabretusk
  • 1 x Ironblaster
It's a little more of a power list than I'm used to taking, but I knew Kas would be playing the new Legions of Chaos rules, and is not adverse to a bit of power build himself. Also, the last time I beat Kasfunatu was April 2012 (four losses, two draws in the interim), so I had my eyes on the prize.

Sunday, 14 December 2014

Scarlet Accountants

Busy week, which is why I've only got half a unit done. 


Grave Undertakings: Warriors of Chaos vs Undead Legions

It's Just Not Right! 
It's All-Skype Fight Night!

Back so soon! 'Tis I, Kraken, in jolly old original font.

And this time I won't get distracted by work (or xmas parties, or Shadows over Mordor) and fill in my parts whilst they are still in my head!

A ripping yarn of necromantic sorcery awaits you tonight, with 1600 points worth of Chaotic Warriors taking on a wide assortment of the undead. The new Khaine magic End Times rules are what's coming out to play here, courtesy of Gen. Kas, so expect more power dice than are humanly possible!


Charles Incarnage, a Chaos Lord - Mark of Khorne, Collar of Khorne, Mask of Many Eyes and Talisman of Protection
Vilitch the Curseling, a Vilitch the Curseling
Ivor Banner, an Exalted Hero - Battle Standard Bearer, Hideous Visage and Shield
40 Marauders - Mark of Khorne, Light Armour, Shields, Full Command, Great Weapons
2 Chaos Chariots

This was a very hastily thrown-together list, seeing as the first one I submitted wasn't actually legal! I was trying to do roughly the same thing, i.e. a big block of tooled up Khorne Marauders, but then I realised I couldn't hide Vilitch in them and tried to take a Warrior block too, but somehow forgot that I needed at least three units to be legit.

Kas kindly pointed this out to me to spare my blushes, so I tried again and came up with this chariot-and-maniac list. I kept Vilitch as a loner, as Kas had now explained some more of the new End Times rules to me. His ability to steal dice was potentially huge in a game where you have random caps on the maximum number of dice to use, for one, and the new ability to summon a magical focus to stand on meant being a loner wasn't quite so terrible.

Otherwise, simple - run the marauders at the foe, let the chariots hit flanks or archers, hope Vilitch blows some stuff up before he gets sniped!

The Damned Legion of Kas

Mannfred on his Megahorse
A Tomb Prince - Terrifying Mask of Eee, shield and Flail
25 Skeleton Warriors - Full Command and Screaming Banner
30 Skeleton Archers - Musician and Light Armour
A Corpsecart with Balefire
A Heirotitan
A Casket of Souls

I wanted to try undead legions having only played the one game with Nagash and no troops, and wanted to go for some summoning; although (again) did not do as much as I thought (150pt of hexwraiths and 50pts of skellies). 

I was toying with Arkhan, but Mannfred gave me a reroll of a dice for winds of magic (which now I think about it is probably less useful in a 4d6 game). 

This is what a Casket of Souls looks like via Skype

Saturday, 13 December 2014

Viral: Legions of Chaos vs Legions of Chaos

Head for the Heights!
It's All-Skype Fight Night!

I hereby declare myself, Kraken, to be of sound body and normal font.

Bold as ever, I too am here! - Kas

Tonight brings you a foray into the relatively recent End Times, as we pitch a pair of Legions of Chaos against one another. Also featuring the hilarious Chaos Ascendant rules! Expect rains of fire, unexpected demons and more...

[We got a bit held up finishing this report, which is why it's a little vague about some details like army lists and why I've written up some of Kas's bits. I'd apologise, but it wasn't as though you were all waiting desperately in suspense for it, so I won't.]


Kraken's Legions of Chaos

I had an instant theme for my army. I knew what I wanted, the ultimate powers of the mixed list were open to me and I would not be denied.

I would have a shooting phase!

The Ruinous Rover, a.k.a. Gutrot Spume on a Nurgley Warshrine
Three Eye the Sailorman, a Sorceror Lord - lvl. 4 Lore of Metal, Skull of Katam, Charmed Shield, Obsidian Amulet
Searing Doom, Final Transformation, Glittering Robe, Gehenna's Golden Hounds
10 Chaos Warriors - shields and Banner of Swiftness, full command
10 Chaos Warriors - shields and Banner of Discipline, full command
A Chaos Chariot - because I don't leave home without one
10 Ungor Raiders - full command (which for them excludes a banner) and Shortbows! Yes!
10 Ungor Raiders - ditto

5 Putrid Blightkings - full command and Banner of Eternal Flame

Forces of Chaos, bow to me!
Knowing I'd be up against more Chaos and playing a hunch that there would be Demons involved somewhere, I decided I'd go for the Chaos equivalent of Multiple Small Units. This usually means 'about three tiny ones', but the additional chaff of beastmen skirmishers would help pad. I could hope for an ambush and the element of surprise more than any actual bow-related casualties from them. Anyone playing against WoC and losing even a single model in the shooting phase is probably going to die of shock, let's face it.

The Non-Spume Boat and Blightkings were auditioning more than anything. I rather like the idea of larger than standard infantry, and I like the models. Try before you buy, I reckon, and seeing as pretty much everything would be proxied I decided not to get hung up on my usual stern standards.

Yes I could not believe when you were going to impose on yourself that you could not summon daemons because you did not have the models! Kind, and seeing as you did it twice and also a prince, I wonder if I should have taken you up on that offer!

Kasfunatu's Legion of Chaos

Level 1 Bray Shaman with that magic-item killing-magic item.
A Sorceror Lord of Tzeentch on a Warshrine (level 4 Lore of Metal) with some combo of armour and helms that added up to a 1+ Armour Save and +4 ward
30 Nurgle-marked Chaos Warriors
2 Beasts of Nurgle

I wanted to try the mega-horde after seeing Epidimus in a daemon army. Having him boosting a pack of warriors had potential! But for Epidimus loci to kick in the unit had to have poison. Step forward Festus. 

Hmm, I probably need a dispel scroll: who is the cheapest level 1: Bray shaman, okay you can join the party too.

So sorceror lord on warshrine, behind the horde with three characters in and two single beasts... it's an odd formation!

Other forces of Chaos, bow to him!

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Brink of Doom: Warriors of Chaos vs Warriors of Chaos


"I'm afraid, Morag," Phlothos said. 

"Good," she replied. A rocking mound of shuddering, mouldering blubber, her gape-faced head was level with his own despite the height advantage of his palanquin. Why she had transformed was obvious, her path to power was ahead of his own. The many gifts of Papa Nurgle had culminated in her horrific rebirth as a monstrous Daemon Princess. 

And yet her voice was little changed, the same mucoid hiss it had always been. Her mannerisms, her tender care for his own crapulent body, these too stayed with her. It felt odd to be nursed by such vile blasphemy against nature, but not unpleasantly so. Even now, she prepared a syringe to drain the worst of the excretions from his lungs.

He couldn't walk at all now. The strength in his legs was gone, replaced by spikes of agony. His lungs were plugged solid with a grey substance a little like decaying rubber. And yet his hatred remained powerful. With Morag's ministrations, he felt he had the best possible chance of enacting his vengeance. All the same, the pitiful state of his body left him feeling anxious. 

"Will we make it in time?" he asked Morag for the eighth time that night. 

"Oh yes, my sweet," drooled the daemon. "We'll be at the river soon. It marks the edge of the plains. Once we're over that, it's but a few short days to Karaz-a-Karak."

"A bridge?"

"Yes, ancient and strong. Marked with old magics, but quite safe now."

"A bridge," Phlothos said. "I don't like bridges. Ah, well. If you say it's safe, I believe you. To a quick and easy crossing, then!"

Morag grinned her hideous agreement, and then plunged the heavy bronze syringe into his chest. 

Put my head on a spike!
It's All-Skype Fight Night!

Monday, 8 December 2014

Help Wanted: High Elves

In a week or so, I shall be proselytising the good word of Warhammer to a potential convert. He has good knowledge of the fluff (once possessing the coveted Lost and the Damned hardback), but hasn't rolled dice in anger since around 2001. We're planning a small-scale game to see if his interest in the hobby can be rekindled.

Being a silly chap, he likes High Elves. And despite promising to write an army list for him, I have no idea about High Elves. For me, if an elf isn't sneaking around the forest dressed in earth tones, then he's no proper elf at all. I appreciate that not all will agree with me there...

"... the face ain't listening. Nor is the gold birdie on top of the face."

As this is going to be a friendly game, I'd feel better about bringing a list I didn't write myself, just to be sure I wasn't setting my opponent up to lose (for lose he SHALL! DESTROY! SMASH!... sorry, friendly game. I'll have to write that the back of my hand).

So this is my plea: I'm calling out to the wisdom of the internet for a High Elf army list (or just some pointers) along the following lines:

  • 1200pts
  • A 'tutorial' army
    (something for a beginner to keep track of - units and items with simple rules and nothing that requires advanced tactical play, such as MSU)
  • Something that gives a good introduction to the High Elf army
  • I'll be proxying everything, so there's no restrictions for what you can pick.
  • The opposing army, if it matters, will be Dwarves (from my army that hasn't really been updated since 4th Ed, so there won't be many new tricks in there).

Your thoughts would be much appreciated. And remember: you're not doing it for me, you're doing it for Warhammer...

Sunday, 7 December 2014

Gor the Merrier

Like many current governments, I don't like freeloaders. Sitting about in my cupboard, taking up space and doing nothing to earn their keep - well, enough is enough! Time to slash all their benefits, expect them to work zero hours contracts and then send them back to whatever wartorn hellhole they came from.

No! Not Poland! Anything but that!

Saturday, 6 December 2014

Let's Spear It For The Boys

And just like that we're back to business.

Painted Dark Elves

It was a toss-up whether these Delves would break me before I broke them. Having cracked a unit of 40 Dreadspears in a week, I reckon I've stormed well past the half-way mark. Nothing but gravy from here on in, as this was the last large unit of monotonous troopers.